In between baby and toddler

Today she held my hand. This may not seem like much to some moms, but to this mom, it's everything. 

My children are not hand holders or cuddlers. My husband and I aren't really that way, and our kids, even when they were babies, weren't much for cuddling. 

So when they do, time stands still.

We went for a walk. Not far. Just toward the trains. We could hear them clickety-clacking down the tracks at the end of our road, so Annabelle felt that a walk was in order. She's so independent that she walks at least 3 driveways ahead of you.

But Nora is slow. No matter how quickly she shuffles those legs or how hard she pushes out her belly, she is behind. And as her mama, I lag behind with her. 

I reached out my hand to her, and slowly, she wrapped her pudgy fingers around my index finger. I dared not look at her or the moment might just be stolen from me. 

With the sun setting behind us, I could see our shadows. The stark difference in height just made my heart brim over with joy at the thought of the determined look on her face as she was careful over each crack in the sidewalk. 

Today she stayed mostly on course, trying desperately to keep up with "sissy". Usually bending down to dig her finger into an ant hill or curving off into the grass, today we walked together in a straight line. 

The moment didn't last long as Annabelle got impatient and came back looking for us. For a split second, she grabbed my open hand and we walked three across. I literally held my breath. All the thoughts of the lack of sleep, navigating discipline issues, budgets, cleaning, and the crying...all of that faded. I only thought of their hands - Nora holding on to just one of my fingers, Annabelle able to hold my hand now. Straight hair, curly hair. Brunette, blonde. Blue eyes. Both just babies, still. 

And before it started, it was over. Annabelle wanted to hold Nora's hand, which Nora wanted nothing to do with. Annabelle exerted her superiority with a good squeeze and pull. Nora turned around and headed for home while Annabelle darted the other way. All ending in tears as I directed them both the direction we needed to go. 

But no one and nothing can take those brief moments away. My babies are growing up, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But I am trying my hardest to not let moments like those get away without at least a second to reflect on them. 

Recent goings-on

 

Finally playing in the sun!

Soaking each other.

Annabelle's new chore chart...helps mommy as much as it helps Annabelle!

Playing "dress-up"

Eating lunch in the house before all our stuff came over.

The "trailer" that arrived with all of our stuff!

Annabelle helping Nora take her shoes off

My beautiful birthday card and mug from my girls.

Just being beautiful

Watching the trains at the end of the street. Annabelle doesn't like when they stop!

 

Got my hair chopped!

 

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Life in the fast lane

My dad has been singing this song to me since I was very little. And the lyrics couldn't be more fitting as they have been the last 3 weeks.

Joel lost his job. And it hit us, as I'm sure it does anyone, like a ton of bricks. We were reeling. What direction should we go? Where should we live? What should we do? Should I look for work? Should we move in with my parents in Chicago?

Joel began to question his career path, considering sales, insurance, custom furniture.

Along the way, we had glimpses of promise. Within days, Joel had a job offer from his old company. But it would have been another move far from anyone we know, and we made a choice to stay put for the time being.

Then we would get blind-sided. The owners of the home we were meant to purchase wanted to take us to court. Thankfully, after weeks of wrangling, all has settled down.

And then, life began to move at lightning speed! Joel received a job offer from a local company. We accepted joyfully and began to look on Craigslist for a place to rent. Within 24 hours, we had keys in hand to a cute little ranch, with a 4 month minimum lease! We couldn't have planned it better ourselves. Within days, we were moved in, and mostly, unpacked. It is amazing how quickly things can change.

The hardest part of the journey: our wrestling with God. Joel felt called to West Bend and it was a hard blow when we realized that some of the doors we saw closing on houses became clear with him losing his job. So, we questioned, why?

I am not sure we will ever know. We lost sanity and a few dollars in all the transactions. Joel travelled and missed time with us. We sold our home. But I can't tell you how grateful we are feeling now. West Bend never charmed us and we were not sad to be able to stay with our friends and family in the Fox Valley.

This scripture gave me comfort as we wrestled through those days.

Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better? -Matthew 7:7-11 (Message)

He is even better. We just don't always see His plan. Grateful, only now as we look back, for all that we have learned in this process. It was painful and gut-wrenching and I never want to go through it again. But grateful for the understanding we gained in the process.

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