summer going-ons

 

ccoloring...check

one of my bff"s getting engaged...check!

children's museum...check!

clean-up your sis...check!

 

major nose bonk...check!

 

purple cowboy boots...check!

walks...check!

up north...check!

family reunion...check!

 

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On her way

It was a big summer for little Miss Annabelle. She took swim class, went to VBS, and played to her heart's content. But fall is fast approaching. And when you turn 3, that means preschool! Annabelle is going to a simple, 2-day a week, park and rec, preschool. She will love it!

It also means that I get to continue a long-standing Lullo tradition. Pre-school shopping date with Mom. My memories of these dates with my own mom are etched in my memory and the time along with her still makes me feel special. I have been waiting for this day for awhile now and couldn't wait to give her some one-on-one attention. And I had a fun surprise lunch planned for her at the end.

Annabelle picked out as much pink and purple and Hello Kitty as she could for her first day. And, with a little encouragement from her mom, an adorable headband.

On our way in to Macy's!

She insisted on sitting with Abe outside of the mall. (which only begs the question...what is Abe doing outide the mall?)

Getting silly before our special lunch...

I took my big girl out for hibachi (thank you, Groupon). She was not a huge fan of the fire, but loved watching him cook our food. It was such a sweet memory for me because we were the only ones at our table!

Miso Soup!

Fire...

Hiding out (reminding me that she's still a little girl)

In the end, it was a huge success. I love this girl more than chocolate ice cream with cherries on top. And sometimes it takes days like this for me to step back and truly cherish her. She is so smart and definitely beautiful. She notices everything! She is aware of all that is going on around her and loves to process it all externally (no idea where she gets that from!).

I held back tears several times this morning. I love that she's growing up. And I'm so proud of who she is becoming.

 

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Happy 3rd.

Annabella-boo,

Another birthday. 3. For weeks you have been saying, "I turn 3 in June!" And today, when people asked, you said, confidently, "3"!

I love to sit down and reflect on you on your birthday. 3 is a big year! You are signed up for classes without mommy this summer... and preschool begins in the fall. You are so ready. You have incredible social skills, though at random moments, your shy side comes out. As we approach these new steps of independence, ones that I am ready to send you on, I realize just how much we have been together. And I am so grateful. I have been able to watch you through all of your "firsts" and I have been able to watch you develop every step of the way. You are my constant companion. As you have gotten older, I have so appreciated our little "chats".

You are developing into a "big sister"...all the good and sassy. You are starting to include Nora in your activities, asking her to come with you...at times, demanding she come with you. She loves to play by your side..at times, irritating the snot out of you. I am so happy you have her to grow up with, though I know it won't always be easy.

You love to read and read and read. To yourself, to others, to me. And your reading skills are developing. You are recognizing more and more letters...you impress me.

Mostly, I just love you. Though our alone time together is infrequent, it is some of my sweetest memories of the last 6 months.

Little girl, 3 years ago we welcomed you into our family. You have made me better, even at your sassiest. I look ahead to the next year with excitement and anticipation. I look back at the year behind with amazement and pride. These toddler/preschool years are tough, but worth all the pain.

I still pray often and fervently that you will grow into a loving and giving child of God. Grace on you my girl. Grace and peace.

Love you more than my tongue can tell,
Mama

In between baby and toddler

Today she held my hand. This may not seem like much to some moms, but to this mom, it's everything. 

My children are not hand holders or cuddlers. My husband and I aren't really that way, and our kids, even when they were babies, weren't much for cuddling. 

So when they do, time stands still.

We went for a walk. Not far. Just toward the trains. We could hear them clickety-clacking down the tracks at the end of our road, so Annabelle felt that a walk was in order. She's so independent that she walks at least 3 driveways ahead of you.

But Nora is slow. No matter how quickly she shuffles those legs or how hard she pushes out her belly, she is behind. And as her mama, I lag behind with her. 

I reached out my hand to her, and slowly, she wrapped her pudgy fingers around my index finger. I dared not look at her or the moment might just be stolen from me. 

With the sun setting behind us, I could see our shadows. The stark difference in height just made my heart brim over with joy at the thought of the determined look on her face as she was careful over each crack in the sidewalk. 

Today she stayed mostly on course, trying desperately to keep up with "sissy". Usually bending down to dig her finger into an ant hill or curving off into the grass, today we walked together in a straight line. 

The moment didn't last long as Annabelle got impatient and came back looking for us. For a split second, she grabbed my open hand and we walked three across. I literally held my breath. All the thoughts of the lack of sleep, navigating discipline issues, budgets, cleaning, and the crying...all of that faded. I only thought of their hands - Nora holding on to just one of my fingers, Annabelle able to hold my hand now. Straight hair, curly hair. Brunette, blonde. Blue eyes. Both just babies, still. 

And before it started, it was over. Annabelle wanted to hold Nora's hand, which Nora wanted nothing to do with. Annabelle exerted her superiority with a good squeeze and pull. Nora turned around and headed for home while Annabelle darted the other way. All ending in tears as I directed them both the direction we needed to go. 

But no one and nothing can take those brief moments away. My babies are growing up, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But I am trying my hardest to not let moments like those get away without at least a second to reflect on them. 

Recent goings-on

 

Finally playing in the sun!

Soaking each other.

Annabelle's new chore chart...helps mommy as much as it helps Annabelle!

Playing "dress-up"

Eating lunch in the house before all our stuff came over.

The "trailer" that arrived with all of our stuff!

Annabelle helping Nora take her shoes off

My beautiful birthday card and mug from my girls.

Just being beautiful

Watching the trains at the end of the street. Annabelle doesn't like when they stop!

 

Got my hair chopped!

 

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Life in the fast lane

My dad has been singing this song to me since I was very little. And the lyrics couldn't be more fitting as they have been the last 3 weeks.

Joel lost his job. And it hit us, as I'm sure it does anyone, like a ton of bricks. We were reeling. What direction should we go? Where should we live? What should we do? Should I look for work? Should we move in with my parents in Chicago?

Joel began to question his career path, considering sales, insurance, custom furniture.

Along the way, we had glimpses of promise. Within days, Joel had a job offer from his old company. But it would have been another move far from anyone we know, and we made a choice to stay put for the time being.

Then we would get blind-sided. The owners of the home we were meant to purchase wanted to take us to court. Thankfully, after weeks of wrangling, all has settled down.

And then, life began to move at lightning speed! Joel received a job offer from a local company. We accepted joyfully and began to look on Craigslist for a place to rent. Within 24 hours, we had keys in hand to a cute little ranch, with a 4 month minimum lease! We couldn't have planned it better ourselves. Within days, we were moved in, and mostly, unpacked. It is amazing how quickly things can change.

The hardest part of the journey: our wrestling with God. Joel felt called to West Bend and it was a hard blow when we realized that some of the doors we saw closing on houses became clear with him losing his job. So, we questioned, why?

I am not sure we will ever know. We lost sanity and a few dollars in all the transactions. Joel travelled and missed time with us. We sold our home. But I can't tell you how grateful we are feeling now. West Bend never charmed us and we were not sad to be able to stay with our friends and family in the Fox Valley.

This scripture gave me comfort as we wrestled through those days.

Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better? -Matthew 7:7-11 (Message)

He is even better. We just don't always see His plan. Grateful, only now as we look back, for all that we have learned in this process. It was painful and gut-wrenching and I never want to go through it again. But grateful for the understanding we gained in the process.

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Facebook perfect family

On paper, or Facebook, it can appear that I have the perfect family, perfect children. And I want to clear that up right away.

Nope, no way. Not a freaking chance.

Right before all the food went on the floor

I post pictures and stories of my children because they bring me joy and I know I have family and friends that love watching my girls grow up. I tend to neglect the stories of temper tantrums, sibling rivalry, thrown food, missed milestones, and tears that go on forever. From the girls and me. I refuse to drag my Facebook community through that. I'm sure they have plenty of that in their own lives.

 

My kids both suck their thumbs

But I also don't want anyone to think things here are easy. It has been an incredibly difficult few months. I have yelled at my girls more than I like to admit. My girls have struggled to understand all the change around them. It is so hard when we don't know when, or if, the girls will see daddy every night. Joel spends 2.5 hours in the car every day. We have snapped at each other. We have snapped at the girls.

Some days we are barely holding it together.

The moments that get posted to Facebook make the other moments manageable.

Nora doesn't like when she gets hugs from Annabelle, which doesn't happen that often anyway

My children are about as normal as they come. One step forward, one step back. Huge accomplishments, big setbacks.

My parenting is about as normal as it comes. I don't read parenting books. I don't always remember to pray for them, with them, or before meals. My discipline can be inconsistent. Right now, the girls are watching Netflix.

The bright light they're staring at was playing princess movies

I have always promised to be honest with my parenting. That is what my mom taught me. It is okay to say sorry. I have a feeling I will be saying that to my girls for the rest of their lives. And that is good news. I want to be the perfect parent, the perfect family. But the reality is I am not, and we are not, and that is a heavy burden that I don't want to bear.

Instead, my girls will learn that perfection isn't possible or necessary.

So, Facebook friends and family, please don't ever assume that we have anything figured out. We love our girls to the best of our ability in the moment we are in. And we pray for grace upon grace.

 

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Potty Training

Let's be clear about 2 things from the beginning. I do not claim to be an expert on potty training, and my daughter has always proven to transition well. I can not take credit for that.

With those things out of the way, here's my story.

I had a baby. Well, 2, but that's beside the point. When my oldest was 19 months, my youngest was born. At that time it seemed like all of my oldest's friends' moms were beginning to talk about potty training...at 19 months! I stated firmly and repeatedly, "I'm just not ready for that and neither is she". Okay, mostly I wasn't ready to take her to the bathroom every 30 minutes while trying to feed the other one every 2 hours.

So, the extent of our potty training came down to buying her a potty (around 18 months) and putting it where she could see it in the bathroom. (I did stash some Elmo underpants away, just in case). Over the next year, she peed in it a couple times and pooped once...all mostly by accident. We were determined not to potty train until we felt like she was truly ready (helpful advice from a very wise lady I like to call "mom").

About the time the baby was 9 months old, my husband took a new job about an hour and 15 minutes away and began commuting while we attempted to sell our house.

Our house sold (thank God) and with no house on the horizon, we began to pack up for a move to my father-in-law's house. That is conversation for another day.

One evening, my daughter was asking a lot of questions about the potty. She clearly knew what it was for, but was unsure about it's exact place in her life. The next morning I woke up with a vague thought to potty train her. And so it happened, as it often does in my life, that the day had arrived.

I had heard stories of friends potty training their kids and was not looking forward to it. I had also heard of just putting them in underpants and letting her guide the process. Seeing as how I don't like charts and anything very difficult, and I only had 3 days before our house was to be overcome by boxes, I determined to do it.

When she woke up, I surprised her with her new underpants and off we went. We had wood floors, a bucket full of towels, and blind-stupidity. And somehow, it worked! I spent the first day and a half following her around with a stopwatch and the potty. After only a few accidents, I realized she got it. The stopwatch became a source of contention, so I let it go. After that, I did remind her often, but didn't force her to sit down unless we needed to go somewhere (which we didn't do for 3 days) or she was walking around on tiptoes (her tell-tale sign she needed to go).

Yes, we had pee on the floor. Yes, we had poop in the underwear. But since we started, I can count the number of times this happened on my hands.

She was ready, even though she never said so. I just knew my kid well enough to know that she was smart enough to get it.

It was definitely not easy. She is still in pull-ups at nap and bedtime (and I have no thoughts as to when we will begin to phase that out, but I'm hoping to live in my own house by then). Both mom and daughter have had good cries and a few meltodowns (yes, both of us). But, it is done.

And, as often her around our house, "Annabelle, do you need to go potty?".

Her favorite response, "Nope, not quite yet."

To Nora, on your 1st birthday

To my baby girl,

As you turn one year old, all I can think is, thank God.

Thank God you are here. You were a gift from the start and your first year has brought so much joy. Sometimes I even call you my joy-bucket. You just overflow with sweetness.

When you wake up from sleep, and I go in your room, I am met with a smile and your arms waving wildly. That is how you approach life. Joyful and excited.

And yet when I pick you up, you tuck your arms in and lay your head on my shoulder.

That doesn't last long. You let nothing stop you and have already figured out how to climb the stairs, drink from your sister's cups, and have taken a few steps. But it is your "zombie" crawl that lights up everyone's faces.

Thank God for you, my little sweetness. You crawl over to me and snuggle your head into my lap. You hold on tight to my arm in unfamiliar circumstances. You giggle with delight when Annabelle wakes up from a long nap. You march. You tickle your own belly. You clink glasses and love when we yell "cheers". You love life and people.

You make people happy.

And I love you. You are hysterical, joyful, energetic, sweet, sassy, smart, and loving. You love your sister with an unwavering heart no matter what. You make your way into the middle of her space and demand her attention, and her love. You are also over the moon about your daddy. There is nothing sweeter in the world than your smile for him.

Little lady, I am so blessed to have you as my baby. I will hold you as tightly as you'll let me for as long as you'll allow.

My prayer for you as that you will fall passionately in love with your Father and serve Him with all your joy and energy. He loves you more than I do. And I'm not sure it's possible to fathom how much that could be.

Happy 1 year, Nora! I love you. Mama.

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